Stars Don't Shine Forever
by Slytherin Cat
Summary: "It seems he came into this world running out of time." The story of Regulus Black, from his childhood to his death. For Morghen.


Always wanted to write a Regulus-centric fic. I'm not sure I did him justice, but I like to think so. I quite like this version of him anyway.

This is for Morghen – I hope you'll like it.

Don't forget to review on your way out – I'd love to hear what you thought of this.

_Word count:_ 1267

**Stars Don't Shine Forever**

**i.**

Your name is Regulus. You're a Black.

_(but sometimes you wonder if you ever truly knew what it meant)_

It seems you came into this world running out of time. Always, always and forever running out of time.

It begins with your brother's love, because it always had a time limit on it.

_(it begins when he tells you he can only dream of leaving this place, this family behind - because you know you'll never be able to follow him)_

**ii.**

It begins when you realize you only want your parents to be as proud of you as they are of Sirius, even though you know he'll only disappoint them. He may be your brother, but after all they are your parents.

They have to know better, don't they, when they tell you that the Dark is the future, that Muggles are a plague the world needs to be ridden of.

_(because if they're wrong, then that means your whole life was built on a lie, and you're not sure you'd be able to survive learning that)_

They can't be that wrong though, because you've heard of the horrific things Muggle did to themselves in those wars that still scar their world. Maybe Muggles aren't the monster you parents made them out to be, but you're pretty sure they aren't as harmless and innocent as those like Dumbledore would like you to believe either. And that's something you fear Sirius will never understand.

It's in his eyes when he comes back late in the night, his mind full of tales about a world you know you will never be able to appreciate the way he does, even if the picture he paints with his eager smiles and his hurried words whispered in the dead of the night is one you could almost come to love.

Only that world is not for you, and you can only hope he will realize one day that's he would never belong there either.

Preferably before he leaves, but who knows? Maybe Hogwarts will turn out to be exactly what he needs to grow up and see that the world his not all good and bad, all him on one side and their family on the other.

At least you know he'll never leave you behind. He swore after all, once in the dead of the night when you sneaked him food because he wasn't allowed dinner for mouthing off to their mother. He swore to never leave or forget you.

He swore to never leave you to weather a storm alone after you told him you were scared of the lightning, and you swore to never hate him when he asked you to.

_(you didn't understand then why he had to ask, but if you had... Oh, if only you had...)_

**iii.**

Sirius never comes back from Hogwarts – or at least, the one that comes back is not your Sirius.

This one is loud and brash, openly rebelling with your parents in a way that he wasn't before.

He's a Gryffindor, and you wonder how you never saw it before.

You would be happy for him, but then your mother watches you and your father tightens his grip painfully on your shoulder and tells you "It's all falls on you Regulus now; you have to honor the family".

You can't help but cave in and you know you'll be a Slytherin.

_(Will your brother hate you then? Surely not… He swore, remember._

_But children lies all the time, you think as you read the letter that tells you Sirius won't celebrate Yule with you this year.)_

You feel a little dead inside when you watch the stars alone on New Year's Eve, and wonder if you should go out in the Muggle world on your own. That would make him proud, wouldn't it?

Surely he would approve of you going outside without your parents' approval? Maybe that way he wouldn't forget you.

But you're not brave enough to do it, and the money you've taken for your small escapade stays untouched hidden under a loose floorboard.

So you stay inside, and you fall asleep wondering what it would be like to have courage.

_(you don't think you'll ever know)_

**iv.**

When you get to Hogwarts, the first thing your brother does is stare at you with such a hateful look that you actually feel like you've been stabbed.

But you're a Slytherin now, and he's a Gryffindor – hatred is to be expected. Hatred is good, and you cloak yourself in it while you try to forget that once upon a time, the boy who ridicules you every chance he gets used to laugh with you.

Sometimes, you even manage to fool yourself and be proud when your parents tell you that you're nothing like your brother.

Most of the time though, you just wish you could stand up to your House, to Bellatrix and Narcissa who (mostly) mean well but overwhelms you on their best days.

_(on their worst, well let's just say they don't make your life easy)_

But you can't – you never could – and now that Sirius isn't there to fight for you, you just fall back in line.

Slowly, you become the perfect Heir your parents want both inside and outside – and in the Astronomy classes, when you look at your namesake, you can almost convince yourself that you're not losing yourself.

**v.**

Years passes and you join the Dark Lord.

Your mother has never been prouder than the day you showed her your Mark, and that was almost enough to mask the disgust you felt for being branded like cattle.

You haven't seen your brother in years, not since he left Hogwarts, but you know that the next time will be on different sides of this war.

You almost want it to happen.

You want to hurt him the way he hurt you, and you want to see him bleed. In your darkest moments you imagine his blood leaking through your fingers, staining your hands in a way that could never be cleaned as you watch the last of his life slip away in a whisper of your name.

_(you want to see his eyes lose their hatred – in death you wouldn't have to bear it)_

And then the Dark Lord comes and asks for an Elf.

And then you discover that you'll never be free of your Master – that the man, if he can even be called so anymore, has done the unforgivable and ruptured his very soul.

And then you realize he is mad.

_(your brother was oh so right to leave while he still could)_

You laugh, you laugh and then you cry, because the brand on your forearm is burning and you will never be free of it now.

But you have to stop him – you have to.

For Sirius, and for yourself.

For the two boys who once swore upon the stars above them that they would do anything to stay together.

**vi.**

Regulus Black finds his courage in a dark and damp cave, as he is dragged under icy water by dead hands.

He drowns, and drowns and struggles for one last cry, for one last breath that will never come.

He is free at last – free of expectations, free of hatred and of the oath he sworn to a Lord that never deserved that title.

_(And maybe he can even see pride in his brother's eyes as he closes his for the last time._

_Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. He's dead after all.)_


End file.
